Michelle is wondering what to do next as she’s just done with milk. She climbs up the chair by the table trying to find out what she can get from the top. Perhaps a saucer, a pencil, a cellular phone or something more interesting? She is able risk anything just to feed her curious mind. she never thinks of any potential harm that will happen to her as she is just a two year old toddler. She is the typical terrible explorer in the house that you just can’t get your eyes off her.

Have you encountered this scenario in your home?

Brian wants to spell the word “school” but he isn’t sure about the correct spelling.  He rolls his eye balls for a second then a smile arises from his face. Quickly he moves the pencil along with his utterance  “s……k….oo….”. He writes “skool” on the exercise book with satisfaction.

Would you tell him “school” should not be spelt as “skool”?

            Children do numerous things throughout the day and they make numerous decisions along the way. In their eyes, the world is full of fascinating sights as if they are from another world. They use their senses to a great extent that we can’t possibly imagine. A spider web can be so eye-catching, an aeroplane in the sky is extraordinary, a bouncing ball can excite them, a ladybird can be the cutest creature, a cartoon character can be sensational! Somehow we just don’t see the way they see and feel the way they feel probably because we are set with certain perception and expectations. As a result we often find that children tend to try things that are not in our favour thus leads to dispute and frustration. Worst of all, we often stop them from doing what they want to do considering the issue of safety, wellness, time and occasion. 

Learning, in adult’s world, is more of a deliberate behaviour and process to gain knowledge and skills, such as learning to use a computer;  Learning also enables us to achieve an objective, such as learning to control our temper. What about children? Do they know they need to learn? Do they understand learning actually helps them? Let me define “learning” in children’s context. It’s as simple as this: children learn to be adaptable to the environment they live in and progressing they become effective in handling their lives. Learning takes place anywhere and it happens any time even without children themselves knowing it. In other words, Children learn things spontaneously. They make sense by exploring the surrounding, by modelling people around them, by referring to the media, by continuously trying and making mistakes.

A child who lives in the village learns to climb trees and rocks but a child who lives in town learns to cross busy streets. The older child learns to protect and care for younger siblings and the younger child learns to get attention from older people. A hungry child learns to appreciate food whilst a have-it-all child learns to be fussy with food. A child who is entitled to choices learns about his or her rights whilst a child who is constantly being monitored learns that he or she does not have much says.

You probably don’t quite understand the reasons and motives of your child’s behaviour at times, however, if you put yourself in your child’s shoes, you are at the same level to feel their world. You probably wouldn’t want to jeopardise your child’s courage to learn more, but how you react sets a boundary to his or her bahaviour. You probably want your child to have the best achievement, but the your expectations set a limitation to his or her potential.

Children do learn by making mistakes. Too often, theses mistakes are seen as mistakes through adult’s eyes. To children, they are merely acting like a scientist, testing, reacting, analysing then application. By saying this, I would like to share some ideas as well as anecdotes with you.

1. Children want to be independent as early as possible
The old generations tend to think that children are so delicate that we need to help them in anyway we could. This is not quite true. Overdoing for children will make them feel they are not capable.  This inevitably sends them the message “You can’t do a good job.. Don’t waste your time to try harder. Everything will be fine without your effort”. As a consequence, your child could be less motivated to practise new skills because there isn’t a need.

2.  Children want to take own responsibility
What can you expect from a child? Be responsible to for his or her things? Yes, they can. If your child would like to organise toys in his or her way, you should be glad that he or she is taking a fair bit of responsibility for own belongings.  Remember, you have your way of handling things, so does your child. You can always play a role as an advisor rather than a commander. Try to avoid comment that sounds like this “See, I told you not to mix the toys and your clothing together, you mess up everything” . Use “If you put the toys in a separate box, wouldn’t it be easier for you to find them next time?” In this way you don’t take over the responsibility from your child.

3. Children do not need to be told what is the right way all the times
By saying this, I don’t mean you should keep quiet when you see a child is running on a slippery floor or placing his or her finger on the electric socket. Reminders come in handy when you see your is just about to get into a difficult situation. Say “Be really slow on the slippery floor because you might slip and fall” rather than “stop running on the slippery floor, you are going to fall”. You can always encourage your child to think for a second before they act and that’s all you need to do. You don’t want to kill your child’s problem solving skills.

4. Children can perform better with more prompts
This is particularly true for those children who are just about to step forward for something terribly new. Prompting is a motivation even you already notice your child isn’t making the best move or best judgement. At least, a step further can open up a different view. We will see what we can get from there.

5. Children like to be acknowledged and assured
Who wouldn’t want acknowledgement and assurance anyway?  When you mention your child in front of others, please say something good about him or her and show your appreciation of his or her effort. Don’t say “He is shy and he doesn’t like to mix around with other kids” Say “He is pretty okay to just say hello, don’t you, Joshua?”  Even if you have an ill-behaved child, he or she probably does not want to be perceived in a negative way.

6. Children want to solve their problems themselves
If your child comes to you with his or her problem, always give your open arms for discussion. In this way,  you are able to feel his or her problem by not judging his or her ability on resolving the problem. You should solely address the issue so that in any case, your child will reveal to you his or her thinking in a natural way. By saying “ It’s okay that you don’t know how to do that. Let’s find out some possible solutions to your problem” you actually provide a room for your child to make decision and solve the problem.

7. Children learn in different ways and at different pace
You can get frustrated if your child just does not live up to your expectations as you could be comparing him or her with someone else’s child. Why Stacey can do the maths so well but my child has difficulty understanding the questions? Well, it’s common. Your child might not be good in all major learning areas. Try to find out your child’s learning style and be accommodating to his or her pace. Picking on your child’s mistakes would not help much.. Finding out how to make learning experience fun and rewarding is the key point..